[ a patience sits with him, in the confines of the bubble. if she doesn't want to explain, that's alright - if she does, he'll listen, if she finds a way to explain it. because she has helped him, hasn't she?
the prism does the job for her, even if it's by mistake.
chang geng is silent, but he removes the hand covering hers, reaching up for his throat - he can feel the familiar sensation, suffocating, crushing, the struggle of trying to break free as your lungs burn.
he knows it.
he knows what it feels like to be dying because of it, too, everything falling dark as your body begins to fail you.
but there is a finality to su jiuqing's struggle. even as the memory comes to a close in that "new life."
it shouldn't be something that he believes in, but chang geng of all people can't talk. there's something in his blood, and it's something that begins to rouse, claws scraping across the edges of his mind, sinking in, bleeding anger and seeking purchase.
still, he doesn't pull his other hand away. ]
... I see. [ that's all, at first. but -
but...
did you just think they were coincidences?
you've ruined my life... ] ... is your mother alright, now? Waiting for your return from this place?
[when he pulls the one hand away, she almost expects him to pull the other away, too - but he doesn't. his hand at his throat makes her feel a little bad, that he'd had to experience what she'd lived through (or... had died of, really), but...
it's the prism's fault.
still, she thinks it - i'm sorry.
she takes a breath to keep her voice even, but she's not really able to keep the anger out of it. it feels fresh and raw, reliving that memory, feeling all the things she'd felt as she'd realized the depths of qian's and waner's betrayal, as her life had drained away from her.]
My mother is safe. Neither of them is in a position to do anything to her - I've made sure of that.
[...she takes another breath.]
But she is waiting for me. I need to go back... just in case. If they've managed to improve their situation in my absence...
[ his grip tightens a little more on her hand, and chang geng - chang geng lowers the one at his throat, after the sensation passes.
you never really, ever, forget the sensation of being choked like that. it was one of gu er's favorite means of trying to kill him - smothering, choking, strangling him with whatever she could get her hands on - before it was almost, almost too late.
that she died of it... that she lost her mother, and that it's her mission to keep it from happening in this lifetime... ]
... an offer, then. If things aren't ideal, when we're finally able to leave this place. Should we be able to travel between Great Liang and Daxing, your mother would find safety in the capital while things are attended to. My yifu has a manor that is largely empty due to him being away with the military, and my own has gone unused ever since it was passed on to me.
[ because he can understand, wanting to keep your most important person safe. he can understand the position of feeling like it's a never-ending quest, as well, and if things possibly became this bad again... he thinks of how he'd want gu yun to be safe, were he ever in a danger that he couldn't face. how he'd want ge chen and cao chunhua to get to safety, wherever they could.
jiuqing's mother deserves safety. she deserves happiness, and jiuqing deserves to know that she'll be safe. ]
jiuqing outright stares at him. it's such a shock that it shakes the heavy feeling of the memory off of her, and leaves her with her eyes wide and her mouth open into a small "o," unable to look away from him.
...he means it. she can tell from his expression and the way he's speaking that he means it - and she doesn't think she's reading him wrong.
for him to offer something like that...]
What would I need to do for you in return...?
[...well, nothing in life comes for free, does it?]
[ he looks at her, when she asks that, and can't help but raise both eyebrows. otherwise, though, his expression doesn't change. there isn't any surprise, honestly - because it's a mentality he's experienced, too. chang geng has made many a bargain with this mindset, and has figured out the best means of making such exchanges based on what he's needed and what the other person has.
(sometimes, he's shorted them. sometimes, he's removed them from the equation. whatever he needs. at the time.)
but in this case - ]
You've already done quite a bit, for me. Helping me keep myself. But I don't ask for anything in return.
I simply understand. There is someone I want to keep safe, too.
[ and chang geng reaches out, tapping the bubble with a flash of scarlet. most of his memories involve gu yun - the chances of her seeing him are fairly high. ]
[ the winter chill is heavy in the air - even early in the day, even with stoves and lamps burning all across the capitol, it permeates even to the bone. but you have much to do, too much, it feels like. yifu is going to be leaving, soon, leaving with your supposed brother, and no one knows when he'll be back.
anxiety bubbles up in your chest, but you have to push it back down. no distractions. don't think about it. he'll come back. you'll blink, and then he'll be trying to drag you out of your room again, saying the wrong thing without thinking, saying the right thing without meaning to.
he'll be back, and it'll be home again.
yifu has been getting up earlier and earlier every day, heading to the palace, and coming home later and later. you're not sure how much time you'll have to prepare, and you also don't know when he'll be home, but at least you have help. uncle wang does the best that he can, toddering along and finding the old silks that cao niangzi runs up to you with, wanting you to help decorate the training puppet.
ge banxiao makes a comment about how it shouldn't match the fake girl, and you look away when cao niangzi punches him in the arm, going to direct the puppet to the best place to greet yifu when he comes back. they can decorate it - you don't mind.
you do mind having to figure out everything else, though.
as such a picky eater, you don't want yifu to eat something that he won't like, or will turn his nose up at, because -
(you can't bear the thought, actually. how embarrassing. how mortifying. you don't want to think about how upset you would be.)
- because it's his birthday. you want to celebrate that.
while cao niangzi paints blush on the puppet, standing on tiptoe to reach its blank face, ge banxiao helps prepare the longevity noodles, fanning the fire and slopping the ingredients in. it's enough to splatter broth on both of you.
you'll have to change. you give him a dour look, while he apologizes and says it's alright, big brother, he won't notice a drop missing! we'll get it cleaned up, and you can add the egg, no trouble!
you can help it - he'll definitely notice this kind of thing! but it is alright. you have time.
considering how long it takes for him to come home from the palace, you maybe have too much time. but you think you have it gauged right -
"big brother, the marquis is back!"
your heart jumps into your throat, in the middle of fiddling with some of the decorations that have livened things up, here at gu manor, and you scramble to get the noodles and the egg into the bowl for serving. distantly, you can hear them talking in the courtyard - cao niangzi, general shen, and yifu, coming closer.
"- general shen has also come, just in time, we can all eat noodles together."
"very well, it's better to arrive on time than to arrive early!"
you've trained with this puppet so many times, now, that it's easy to understand what you need to do to have it carry the bowl. it's hysterical, and you know that yifu will have something to say about it, but ge banxiao had grinned with the suggestion, and considering...
it moves forward, lights and flowers and silks so terribly out of place, soulless and comical, and yifu predictably has something to say immediately:
"bastards, is the sword training puppet for you all to play with like this?"
"marquis, sir, the fake girl applied the blush. i helped make the fire for cooking the noodles, and big brother put in the egg!"
yifu stands there, looking... stupefied, maybe. there's something amused in you to see him dumbfounded and struck silent, for once in his life, as you observe everything. he makes no move to take the bowl right away.
lightly, you say, "yifu, eat the noodles first before entering."
it hides the nerves, you think. you hope he likes it.
if yifu notices, he, for once, does not point it out. instead, he simply says "alright," and takes the bowl. he looks your way, and without any further comment... he picks out the egg, first.
you have to bite the inside of your cheek as he begins eating, but there's no hiding the way that a smile starts to pull at your mouth as he neatly finishes everything.
your heart is so warm, it causes the cold of winter to bleed away. ]
[seeing this, it's impossible to doubt the fact that he really does understand.
if these are the people who chang geng has waiting for him in great liang - it's no small wonder, that he's so determined to return. he probably would be, even if they weren't, but knowing that these people are waiting for him has to be a factor. this memory is so warm, the people within it so genuine, and the way chang geng feels about them, and specifically about his yifu, is...
this memory feels so much like home. not the house she grew up in - su manor was a house, but it wasn't home. it feels warm and bright, with the comfort of knowing the people you care for most are safe and happy, there with you.
(if this is what great liang is like, maybe her mother really would be safe and happy there. but that's not a decision she can make on her own.)
the memory fades out, and her smile is soft when she looks up at him.]
...we'll get you back to them, Sir Chang. We definitely will.
[ this is the only happy memory he's seen this week, but he doesn't mind reliving it again. it's one he's held onto, ever since the day it happened, even though it's... well, it wasn't long before he and gu yun had a fight. before gu yun was a coward and ran off to the warfront, rather than say goodbye to chang geng face-to-face.
it's been years. he's not as angry about it, now, especially as he understands the kind of person the marquis of order is with every day that passes. so, instead - he smiles, eyes crinkling briefly with it before he looks back at jiuqing.
he brings her hand up, where he holds it, and briefly sets it to his chest, bowing his head. ]
And we will get you back to your mother. She'll be safe, no matter where she might find herself.
[ the gesture is a promise. chang geng doesn't hold it long, but it's long enough that he hopes that someone who has every reason to mistrust promises and motives like jiuqing does will understand. he'll let go after.
it's not the last one that he makes, before he dies. that promise goes to percy - i will try to bring you back, even if it may be futile - but it is very nearly so. ]
jiuqing, who has dealt with her fair share of insincere people and broken promises, can't help but mistrust it a little, for a moment - but that moment passes, and her expression softens further.
she pulls her hand back, when he lets go of it, and smiles. it reaches her eyes.]
...thank you, Sir Chang. It means a lot to hear that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
the prism does the job for her, even if it's by mistake.
chang geng is silent, but he removes the hand covering hers, reaching up for his throat - he can feel the familiar sensation, suffocating, crushing, the struggle of trying to break free as your lungs burn.
he knows it.
he knows what it feels like to be dying because of it, too, everything falling dark as your body begins to fail you.
but there is a finality to su jiuqing's struggle. even as the memory comes to a close in that "new life."
it shouldn't be something that he believes in, but chang geng of all people can't talk. there's something in his blood, and it's something that begins to rouse, claws scraping across the edges of his mind, sinking in, bleeding anger and seeking purchase.
still, he doesn't pull his other hand away. ]
... I see. [ that's all, at first. but -
but...
did you just think they were coincidences?
you've ruined my life... ] ... is your mother alright, now? Waiting for your return from this place?
no subject
it's the prism's fault.
still, she thinks it - i'm sorry.
she takes a breath to keep her voice even, but she's not really able to keep the anger out of it. it feels fresh and raw, reliving that memory, feeling all the things she'd felt as she'd realized the depths of qian's and waner's betrayal, as her life had drained away from her.]
My mother is safe. Neither of them is in a position to do anything to her - I've made sure of that.
[...she takes another breath.]
But she is waiting for me. I need to go back... just in case. If they've managed to improve their situation in my absence...
no subject
you never really, ever, forget the sensation of being choked like that. it was one of gu er's favorite means of trying to kill him - smothering, choking, strangling him with whatever she could get her hands on - before it was almost, almost too late.
that she died of it... that she lost her mother, and that it's her mission to keep it from happening in this lifetime... ]
... an offer, then. If things aren't ideal, when we're finally able to leave this place. Should we be able to travel between Great Liang and Daxing, your mother would find safety in the capital while things are attended to. My yifu has a manor that is largely empty due to him being away with the military, and my own has gone unused ever since it was passed on to me.
[ because he can understand, wanting to keep your most important person safe. he can understand the position of feeling like it's a never-ending quest, as well, and if things possibly became this bad again... he thinks of how he'd want gu yun to be safe, were he ever in a danger that he couldn't face. how he'd want ge chen and cao chunhua to get to safety, wherever they could.
jiuqing's mother deserves safety. she deserves happiness, and jiuqing deserves to know that she'll be safe. ]
no subject
jiuqing outright stares at him. it's such a shock that it shakes the heavy feeling of the memory off of her, and leaves her with her eyes wide and her mouth open into a small "o," unable to look away from him.
...he means it. she can tell from his expression and the way he's speaking that he means it - and she doesn't think she's reading him wrong.
for him to offer something like that...]
What would I need to do for you in return...?
[...well, nothing in life comes for free, does it?]
no subject
(sometimes, he's shorted them. sometimes, he's removed them from the equation. whatever he needs. at the time.)
but in this case - ]
You've already done quite a bit, for me. Helping me keep myself. But I don't ask for anything in return.
I simply understand. There is someone I want to keep safe, too.
[ and chang geng reaches out, tapping the bubble with a flash of scarlet. most of his memories involve gu yun - the chances of her seeing him are fairly high. ]
no subject
[ the winter chill is heavy in the air - even early in the day, even with stoves and lamps burning all across the capitol, it permeates even to the bone. but you have much to do, too much, it feels like. yifu is going to be leaving, soon, leaving with your supposed brother, and no one knows when he'll be back.
anxiety bubbles up in your chest, but you have to push it back down. no distractions. don't think about it. he'll come back. you'll blink, and then he'll be trying to drag you out of your room again, saying the wrong thing without thinking, saying the right thing without meaning to.
he'll be back, and it'll be home again.
yifu has been getting up earlier and earlier every day, heading to the palace, and coming home later and later. you're not sure how much time you'll have to prepare, and you also don't know when he'll be home, but at least you have help. uncle wang does the best that he can, toddering along and finding the old silks that cao niangzi runs up to you with, wanting you to help decorate the training puppet.
ge banxiao makes a comment about how it shouldn't match the fake girl, and you look away when cao niangzi punches him in the arm, going to direct the puppet to the best place to greet yifu when he comes back. they can decorate it - you don't mind.
you do mind having to figure out everything else, though.
as such a picky eater, you don't want yifu to eat something that he won't like, or will turn his nose up at, because -
(you can't bear the thought, actually. how embarrassing. how mortifying. you don't want to think about how upset you would be.)
- because it's his birthday. you want to celebrate that.
while cao niangzi paints blush on the puppet, standing on tiptoe to reach its blank face, ge banxiao helps prepare the longevity noodles, fanning the fire and slopping the ingredients in. it's enough to splatter broth on both of you.
you'll have to change. you give him a dour look, while he apologizes and says it's alright, big brother, he won't notice a drop missing! we'll get it cleaned up, and you can add the egg, no trouble!
you can help it - he'll definitely notice this kind of thing! but it is alright. you have time.
considering how long it takes for him to come home from the palace, you maybe have too much time. but you think you have it gauged right -
"big brother, the marquis is back!"
your heart jumps into your throat, in the middle of fiddling with some of the decorations that have livened things up, here at gu manor, and you scramble to get the noodles and the egg into the bowl for serving. distantly, you can hear them talking in the courtyard - cao niangzi, general shen, and yifu, coming closer.
"- general shen has also come, just in time, we can all eat noodles together."
"very well, it's better to arrive on time than to arrive early!"
you've trained with this puppet so many times, now, that it's easy to understand what you need to do to have it carry the bowl. it's hysterical, and you know that yifu will have something to say about it, but ge banxiao had grinned with the suggestion, and considering...
it moves forward, lights and flowers and silks so terribly out of place, soulless and comical, and yifu predictably has something to say immediately:
"bastards, is the sword training puppet for you all to play with like this?"
"marquis, sir, the fake girl applied the blush. i helped make the fire for cooking the noodles, and big brother put in the egg!"
yifu stands there, looking... stupefied, maybe. there's something amused in you to see him dumbfounded and struck silent, for once in his life, as you observe everything. he makes no move to take the bowl right away.
lightly, you say, "yifu, eat the noodles first before entering."
it hides the nerves, you think. you hope he likes it.
if yifu notices, he, for once, does not point it out. instead, he simply says "alright," and takes the bowl. he looks your way, and without any further comment... he picks out the egg, first.
you have to bite the inside of your cheek as he begins eating, but there's no hiding the way that a smile starts to pull at your mouth as he neatly finishes everything.
your heart is so warm, it causes the cold of winter to bleed away. ]
no subject
if these are the people who chang geng has waiting for him in great liang - it's no small wonder, that he's so determined to return. he probably would be, even if they weren't, but knowing that these people are waiting for him has to be a factor. this memory is so warm, the people within it so genuine, and the way chang geng feels about them, and specifically about his yifu, is...
this memory feels so much like home. not the house she grew up in - su manor was a house, but it wasn't home. it feels warm and bright, with the comfort of knowing the people you care for most are safe and happy, there with you.
(if this is what great liang is like, maybe her mother really would be safe and happy there. but that's not a decision she can make on her own.)
the memory fades out, and her smile is soft when she looks up at him.]
...we'll get you back to them, Sir Chang. We definitely will.
no subject
it's been years. he's not as angry about it, now, especially as he understands the kind of person the marquis of order is with every day that passes. so, instead - he smiles, eyes crinkling briefly with it before he looks back at jiuqing.
he brings her hand up, where he holds it, and briefly sets it to his chest, bowing his head. ]
And we will get you back to your mother. She'll be safe, no matter where she might find herself.
[ the gesture is a promise. chang geng doesn't hold it long, but it's long enough that he hopes that someone who has every reason to mistrust promises and motives like jiuqing does will understand. he'll let go after.
it's not the last one that he makes, before he dies. that promise goes to percy - i will try to bring you back, even if it may be futile - but it is very nearly so. ]
no subject
jiuqing, who has dealt with her fair share of insincere people and broken promises, can't help but mistrust it a little, for a moment - but that moment passes, and her expression softens further.
she pulls her hand back, when he lets go of it, and smiles. it reaches her eyes.]
...thank you, Sir Chang. It means a lot to hear that.