[feeling chang geng start to relax does her heart good.
for as much as she's struggled and suffered in her life, she's seen enough of his memories to know that he has, too. so if being by his side and help him - if her presence is able to provide him with even a small amount of quiet solace, if he feels that he can rely on her, if he's comfortable having her here with him, in his space - really, that feels like more than she could possibly ask.
weeks ago, she'd said it, and he'd repeated it back to her - we aren't alone in this.
that holds true even now. it's especially true, perhaps - because they really aren't alone. because despite all the odds stacked against him, they found their way back to each other.
wrapped up in his arms like this - for the first time in a long time, jiuqing feels truly safe.]
...thank you.
[for coming back. for allowing her to be there - for allowing this.
for returning the feelings she'd been afraid to admit to, even to herself.
[ a little laugh escapes him, more of a feeling in his chest than a noise, this close together, and he tilts his cheek more against her hair. there is warmth in it, but not something mean or teasing. just an expression of something content, something disbelieving, something soft and happy, despite it all. ]
... I feel like I should be thanking you. [ for knowing what's inside of him, and still accepting him. for knowing that he is not always kind, for all that he prefers it, and still standing with him.
for not giving up on him, when he died. and, maybe, for staying steady, for all of her life, up to and through this point - because someone should. i'm sorry for what you've faced follows closely on those heels, truthfully. ]
So I suppose that makes us even.
[ her standing with him, keeping him steady - he can do the same for her. he will. whatever solace he can give, in return, he will. ]
...now that she thinks about it, nothing with chang geng has ever been transactional. they've helped each other, certainly, but it's never been calculated, at least not from her end - not in the same way that things had been in daxing, where she'd leveraged her skills as a doctor to get the military might of the heir to the lin family on her side. here, they've been nothing more than two people.
two people who have happened to be in the same place at the same time, who have helped each other, and helped the others here, as best they can. it's never once been about what they could get out of it. chang geng had even offered her mother sanctuary and asked for nothing in return - and how strange had that felt, for her? she's never once had to bargain for his help.
they stand on the same footing, facing toward their goals, supporting one another. it's not about who owes who more, or what they need to do to even the score again - they're just there, together. isn't that how it should be?
they're even. really, they've always been even.]
There's really no need for thanks. By your side is... where I want to be.
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for as much as she's struggled and suffered in her life, she's seen enough of his memories to know that he has, too. so if being by his side and help him - if her presence is able to provide him with even a small amount of quiet solace, if he feels that he can rely on her, if he's comfortable having her here with him, in his space - really, that feels like more than she could possibly ask.
weeks ago, she'd said it, and he'd repeated it back to her - we aren't alone in this.
that holds true even now. it's especially true, perhaps - because they really aren't alone. because despite all the odds stacked against him, they found their way back to each other.
wrapped up in his arms like this - for the first time in a long time, jiuqing feels truly safe.]
...thank you.
[for coming back. for allowing her to be there - for allowing this.
for returning the feelings she'd been afraid to admit to, even to herself.
for being alive.]
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... I feel like I should be thanking you. [ for knowing what's inside of him, and still accepting him. for knowing that he is not always kind, for all that he prefers it, and still standing with him.
for not giving up on him, when he died. and, maybe, for staying steady, for all of her life, up to and through this point - because someone should. i'm sorry for what you've faced follows closely on those heels, truthfully. ]
So I suppose that makes us even.
[ her standing with him, keeping him steady - he can do the same for her. he will. whatever solace he can give, in return, he will. ]
no subject
...now that she thinks about it, nothing with chang geng has ever been transactional. they've helped each other, certainly, but it's never been calculated, at least not from her end - not in the same way that things had been in daxing, where she'd leveraged her skills as a doctor to get the military might of the heir to the lin family on her side. here, they've been nothing more than two people.
two people who have happened to be in the same place at the same time, who have helped each other, and helped the others here, as best they can. it's never once been about what they could get out of it. chang geng had even offered her mother sanctuary and asked for nothing in return - and how strange had that felt, for her? she's never once had to bargain for his help.
they stand on the same footing, facing toward their goals, supporting one another. it's not about who owes who more, or what they need to do to even the score again - they're just there, together. isn't that how it should be?
they're even. really, they've always been even.]
There's really no need for thanks. By your side is... where I want to be.