[i don't know what choices the su jiuqing of their adventure made but from the sound of this meta text the real one probably would have made extremely similar ones.
luckily, unless endgame is especially wild, neither of them will have to find out. right now, they can take what small comfort they can from the fact that what the two of them faced in that place wasn't real, and that what is real is the person in front of them right now.
jiuqing waits for him to say something, or to nod, or - anything, but what he does instead has her heart skipping another beat. she finds herself leaning into his touch for a moment before he's leaning down, and when his lips touch hers, her fingers curl in the fabric of his top as she tiptoes up a little to kiss him back.
the kiss is soft and lingering, and very, very warm. she finds herself content to linger on it and to return it, comfortable here in his space with him, somewhat more at peace than she's been in months.
this is real.
...how long this might be able to last, and where they might end up after they escape from the prism, is the furthest thing from her mind. right now, she's content to just live in the moment and be glad that he made it back.]
[ guess you'll have to see! either way, it left him pretty gotdam Affected, so it's no wonder that some of the other returned dead have been badgering her today about talking to him. don't worry about it.
letting go of her hand, when she kisses him back, chang geng brings it up so that he can scoop her face up into both instead. his thumbs sweep over her cheeks, a tender and fleeting touch as he leans more into it to accommodate for their height difference - and to simply savor it, that little bit more.
it isn't coming home, or pieces fitting into place. the pieces were already there from the start, but everything shifts into a different space, now, in a way that settles something in him. not the wild thing with claws in his heart (although it falls a little more quiet, for once, with the proximity and warmth), but an ache that he hadn't realized was there until he saw jiuqing smiling at them, eyes wet, before -
the prism will have something more in store for them.
but chang geng has never been afraid of the unknown. only the darkness in his heart, and the loss of his people.
so of course he lingers in the kiss, a brush of lips that eases into something a little more. it's chaste, but there's something so intimate in the relief, the closeness, the simple desire to cherish jiuqing and this time together now that they're no longer apart. ]
[this is a very different kiss from any she's experienced before.
in her first life her husband had kissed her after their wedding. he'd sworn to be good to her, to treat her well, and she'd believed him. but that kiss can't compare to this. there was no real affection in it, just a sense of duty to his family. there was little warmth, and no longing. no closeness, no intimacy, no sense that he was kissing her because he wanted to. it was simply what was to be done, between husband and wife.
it's not like that with chang geng.
with chang geng, she could get lost in this kiss. she does, actually, and even though it's mostly chaste, she finds herself breathless, and has to break it. but she stays close, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.
her cheeks feel flushed.
...this is what it's like to kiss someone that you love, who loves you back, isn't it? it's - something else, for sure.]
[ for all that's happened in his life, in great liang and the prism...
this is chang geng's first, real kiss.
and for him, for someone like him that never expected to live this long, who never expected to have a requited love... he wants it to mean something. he wants it to be right.
his letters couldn't fit everything, with the priority for information, but he hoped that the personal lines could convey enough. in the same way, he hopes that this does, too - that jiuqing is important to him, that she's cherished, that he missed her and is glad that she's safe, that she wasn't actually lost.
that she will not live a life where she struggles alone, as she had already in a past one.
when she pulls back, and ducks in towards his shoulder, chang geng lowers his hands so that she can move easily. settling in like that, his arms come around her, his head tipping, cheek resting against her hair as he simply - holds her. that's all.
his time with the dead gave him a chance to get used to being close to people, like this. to just hold them and let them be near him, and to be comfortable, to enjoy it. camaraderie with important people.
but this is something special. he closes his eyes - and then, she'll be able to feel the bone deep exhale, as something relaxes, now. ]
[feeling chang geng start to relax does her heart good.
for as much as she's struggled and suffered in her life, she's seen enough of his memories to know that he has, too. so if being by his side and help him - if her presence is able to provide him with even a small amount of quiet solace, if he feels that he can rely on her, if he's comfortable having her here with him, in his space - really, that feels like more than she could possibly ask.
weeks ago, she'd said it, and he'd repeated it back to her - we aren't alone in this.
that holds true even now. it's especially true, perhaps - because they really aren't alone. because despite all the odds stacked against him, they found their way back to each other.
wrapped up in his arms like this - for the first time in a long time, jiuqing feels truly safe.]
...thank you.
[for coming back. for allowing her to be there - for allowing this.
for returning the feelings she'd been afraid to admit to, even to herself.
[ a little laugh escapes him, more of a feeling in his chest than a noise, this close together, and he tilts his cheek more against her hair. there is warmth in it, but not something mean or teasing. just an expression of something content, something disbelieving, something soft and happy, despite it all. ]
... I feel like I should be thanking you. [ for knowing what's inside of him, and still accepting him. for knowing that he is not always kind, for all that he prefers it, and still standing with him.
for not giving up on him, when he died. and, maybe, for staying steady, for all of her life, up to and through this point - because someone should. i'm sorry for what you've faced follows closely on those heels, truthfully. ]
So I suppose that makes us even.
[ her standing with him, keeping him steady - he can do the same for her. he will. whatever solace he can give, in return, he will. ]
...now that she thinks about it, nothing with chang geng has ever been transactional. they've helped each other, certainly, but it's never been calculated, at least not from her end - not in the same way that things had been in daxing, where she'd leveraged her skills as a doctor to get the military might of the heir to the lin family on her side. here, they've been nothing more than two people.
two people who have happened to be in the same place at the same time, who have helped each other, and helped the others here, as best they can. it's never once been about what they could get out of it. chang geng had even offered her mother sanctuary and asked for nothing in return - and how strange had that felt, for her? she's never once had to bargain for his help.
they stand on the same footing, facing toward their goals, supporting one another. it's not about who owes who more, or what they need to do to even the score again - they're just there, together. isn't that how it should be?
they're even. really, they've always been even.]
There's really no need for thanks. By your side is... where I want to be.
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no subject
luckily, unless endgame is especially wild, neither of them will have to find out. right now, they can take what small comfort they can from the fact that what the two of them faced in that place wasn't real, and that what is real is the person in front of them right now.
jiuqing waits for him to say something, or to nod, or - anything, but what he does instead has her heart skipping another beat. she finds herself leaning into his touch for a moment before he's leaning down, and when his lips touch hers, her fingers curl in the fabric of his top as she tiptoes up a little to kiss him back.
the kiss is soft and lingering, and very, very warm. she finds herself content to linger on it and to return it, comfortable here in his space with him, somewhat more at peace than she's been in months.
this is real.
...how long this might be able to last, and where they might end up after they escape from the prism, is the furthest thing from her mind. right now, she's content to just live in the moment and be glad that he made it back.]
no subject
letting go of her hand, when she kisses him back, chang geng brings it up so that he can scoop her face up into both instead. his thumbs sweep over her cheeks, a tender and fleeting touch as he leans more into it to accommodate for their height difference - and to simply savor it, that little bit more.
it isn't coming home, or pieces fitting into place. the pieces were already there from the start, but everything shifts into a different space, now, in a way that settles something in him. not the wild thing with claws in his heart (although it falls a little more quiet, for once, with the proximity and warmth), but an ache that he hadn't realized was there until he saw jiuqing smiling at them, eyes wet, before -
the prism will have something more in store for them.
but chang geng has never been afraid of the unknown. only the darkness in his heart, and the loss of his people.
so of course he lingers in the kiss, a brush of lips that eases into something a little more. it's chaste, but there's something so intimate in the relief, the closeness, the simple desire to cherish jiuqing and this time together now that they're no longer apart. ]
no subject
in her first life her husband had kissed her after their wedding. he'd sworn to be good to her, to treat her well, and she'd believed him. but that kiss can't compare to this. there was no real affection in it, just a sense of duty to his family. there was little warmth, and no longing. no closeness, no intimacy, no sense that he was kissing her because he wanted to. it was simply what was to be done, between husband and wife.
it's not like that with chang geng.
with chang geng, she could get lost in this kiss. she does, actually, and even though it's mostly chaste, she finds herself breathless, and has to break it. but she stays close, her head coming to rest on his shoulder.
her cheeks feel flushed.
...this is what it's like to kiss someone that you love, who loves you back, isn't it? it's - something else, for sure.]
no subject
this is chang geng's first, real kiss.
and for him, for someone like him that never expected to live this long, who never expected to have a requited love... he wants it to mean something. he wants it to be right.
his letters couldn't fit everything, with the priority for information, but he hoped that the personal lines could convey enough. in the same way, he hopes that this does, too - that jiuqing is important to him, that she's cherished, that he missed her and is glad that she's safe, that she wasn't actually lost.
that she will not live a life where she struggles alone, as she had already in a past one.
when she pulls back, and ducks in towards his shoulder, chang geng lowers his hands so that she can move easily. settling in like that, his arms come around her, his head tipping, cheek resting against her hair as he simply - holds her. that's all.
his time with the dead gave him a chance to get used to being close to people, like this. to just hold them and let them be near him, and to be comfortable, to enjoy it. camaraderie with important people.
but this is something special. he closes his eyes - and then, she'll be able to feel the bone deep exhale, as something relaxes, now. ]
no subject
for as much as she's struggled and suffered in her life, she's seen enough of his memories to know that he has, too. so if being by his side and help him - if her presence is able to provide him with even a small amount of quiet solace, if he feels that he can rely on her, if he's comfortable having her here with him, in his space - really, that feels like more than she could possibly ask.
weeks ago, she'd said it, and he'd repeated it back to her - we aren't alone in this.
that holds true even now. it's especially true, perhaps - because they really aren't alone. because despite all the odds stacked against him, they found their way back to each other.
wrapped up in his arms like this - for the first time in a long time, jiuqing feels truly safe.]
...thank you.
[for coming back. for allowing her to be there - for allowing this.
for returning the feelings she'd been afraid to admit to, even to herself.
for being alive.]
no subject
... I feel like I should be thanking you. [ for knowing what's inside of him, and still accepting him. for knowing that he is not always kind, for all that he prefers it, and still standing with him.
for not giving up on him, when he died. and, maybe, for staying steady, for all of her life, up to and through this point - because someone should. i'm sorry for what you've faced follows closely on those heels, truthfully. ]
So I suppose that makes us even.
[ her standing with him, keeping him steady - he can do the same for her. he will. whatever solace he can give, in return, he will. ]
no subject
...now that she thinks about it, nothing with chang geng has ever been transactional. they've helped each other, certainly, but it's never been calculated, at least not from her end - not in the same way that things had been in daxing, where she'd leveraged her skills as a doctor to get the military might of the heir to the lin family on her side. here, they've been nothing more than two people.
two people who have happened to be in the same place at the same time, who have helped each other, and helped the others here, as best they can. it's never once been about what they could get out of it. chang geng had even offered her mother sanctuary and asked for nothing in return - and how strange had that felt, for her? she's never once had to bargain for his help.
they stand on the same footing, facing toward their goals, supporting one another. it's not about who owes who more, or what they need to do to even the score again - they're just there, together. isn't that how it should be?
they're even. really, they've always been even.]
There's really no need for thanks. By your side is... where I want to be.